Girls, it’s a constant struggle making your house a home. We work and sweat and slave over every little throw pillow and scented candle to create the illusion that it’s more than just a comically undersized box of garbage-secreting monkeys that you are indebted to for your entire adult life.
My favorite little trick? Flower power! A well-coordinated bouquet of flowers can create a powerful piece to mask the smell of you and your family’s awful monkey odors and bring color and life into a room.
The first thing you want to do is decide the primary color of the bouquet. It should match the primary color of the room in which it will be displayed so that contrasting colors can be added subtly in the mix. Is your home a mixture of white walls and off-white carpet with white plastic blinds? Try to have the main body of the bouquet be a collection of leafy flowery bits. My favorite kind is a large-petaled flower that I call Those Big Pink Shits.
Now that you have the body of Big Pink Shits, try to make it pop with some contrasting flowers such as Those Little Purple Shits and some leafage. You want leaves that are large and showy, so I usually pick a large green selection that I believe is called Big Ass Leaves. Just google it, you’ll see.
Finally, you’ll want some contrasting foliage. Try those long wispy bits, I believe they’re called Pokey Bastards, cause they’re always up in a bitch’s eye.
There you have it! Slap it all together and your house is now a home.